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Helpful Hints For Congress

Posted by Absolutely Nobama on Saturday, August 01, 2009 3:16:51 PM
Congress: Are you tired of being berated and mobbed at town hall meetings ? Have you developed a fear of pitchforks and torches ? Have your interactions with the commoners not gone your way ? Are you afraid of becoming the next "YouTube" laughingstock ? Well, we here at Absolutely Nobama have some helpful hints for you!
 
Personal conduct:
 
Sleeping with your own spouse (ok!)
Exempting yourself from unpleasant laws, like health care reform (not ok!)
"Forgetting" to pay your taxes while raisng taxes on others (not ok!)
Calling small town police officers stupid (not ok!)
 
Legislative Conduct:
 
Enacting Health Care "reforms" that some in the media have called "creeping euthanasia" (not ok!)
Raising taxes in the middle of a recession (not ok and pretty darn stupid, at that!)
Enacting energy taxes that will only benefit Al Gore and GE (not ok!)
Actually reading bills before they are passed (ok!)
Representing constituents and not lobbyists (ok!)
Handing 900 million dollars to Hamas (not ok!)
9000 earmarks in one bill (not ok!)
Acting shocked at AIG bonuses when it was your amendment that forked over the cash in the first place (not ok!)
Appointing far left bigots for the Supreme Court (not ok!)
Actually confirming far left bigots for the Supreme Court (not ok!)
 
Use of Tax Dollars:
 
198 million dollars for Filipino WWII vets to stimulate the economy (not ok!)
24,000 dollar date nights (not ok!)
300,000 dollar pictures of  Airforce One that were never released (not ok!)
200,000 dollars for tattoo removal clinics (not ok!)
2 billion dollars for "Cash for Clunkers" that will only create more undue debt (not ok!)
Letting Americans keep their own money (Encouraged!)
 
Foreign Policy:
 
Supporting freedom fighters against a radical Islamic regime (ok!)
Insulting America and Americans over seas (not ok, pretty crappy if you ask me!)
Trying to have a Latin American communist dictator reinstalled (not ok!)
Negotiating with terror groups (not ok!)
Sending terrorists to Bermuda  to live the good life (not ok, pretty damn insulting during a recession!)
Threatening Israel (not ok!)
Bowing to third world monarchs or acceptinng books from petty tyrants (not ok!)
 
I hope this little list helps!
 
 
 
 

 

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Townhalls Gone Mad

Posted by Absolutely Nobama on Saturday, August 01, 2009 12:53:54 AM
 m"There is no point in meeting with my constituents and listen to them and have them listen to you if what is basically an unruly mob prevents you from having an intelligent conversation."-- Tim Bishop (D-NY), faceless liberal congressman

Unruly mob ? Now why on Earth would they be angry ?

Maybe, and I could be spitballing here, if Congress wasn't destroying the health care system, running up absurd deficit numbers, telling us what light bulbs to use, cutting defense spending in the middle of a war, handing over taxpayer money to CEOs, taking over car companies, taking over the banking system, screwing investors, and finally, not even bothering to read the bills they pass, just maybe there wouldn't be angry mobs screaming at them.

Let me tell you something, Bishop. I'll even type it in all caps so you can understand what I'm saying. YOU WORK FOR US, YOU MISERABLE LITTLE TWIT. WE DON'T HAND YOU YOUR 165,000 DOLLAR SALARY SO YOU CAN JUST SHOVE A KNIFE IN OUR BACK. WE AS AMERICANS DESERVE WAY BETTER THAN THIS.WE EXPECT YOU, AS AN ELECTED OFFICIAL, TO BE CARETAKER OF OUR LIBERTY, NOT A DESTROYER OF IT. YOU HAVE A MORAL OBLIGATION TO DEFEND YOUR CONSTITUENTS AND DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR OUR COUNTRY.

Can you honestly look yourself in the mirror and say you're doing what's right for your constituents, Mr. Bishop ? I honestly doubt it.

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Fun With Words

Posted by Absolutely Nobama on Friday, July 31, 2009 11:07:51 PM
Every Presidency comes up with it's own little terms and words. For example, under Reagan, we had "the Gipper" and under Clinton we had the definition of "is" and "stained dress". Over time these lists became longer. Under W, we had really cool ones that sounded like Tom Clancy novels:" Rendition"," Insurgency"," Counter Insurgency"," Patriot Act", and "Undisclosed Location". Nothing however, compares to the lexicon of the Obama administration.

In six incompetent months we have:

unsustainable
socialist
teachable moments
government takeover
man made disaster
calibrated words
stimulus
omnibus
czar (Yeah, I know other presidents used them, too. But they were never this great a threat to democracy.)
trillion
economic downturn
stupidly
right wing extremist
meddling
economic disaster

Not only has Obama and his lackeys come up with terms but the voters did, too. Like: What the #@&* !?, I thought this was America, Take a painkiller ? What does that mean ?, hoodwinked, sham, and most importantly, What was I thinking ?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words....How many is stupidity worth ?

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Teachable Moments

Posted by Absolutely Nobama on Friday, July 31, 2009 10:00:16 PM
Once again, the now-failing- miserably Barack Obama has taken another shot at America by calling the Gates affair a "teachable moment". Apparently, we're all a bunch of racist pigs while he's ever so enlightened. (Of course, there are no racist liberals. We all know a wise Latina woman is waaaay smarter than any ol' whitey and us Jews love to be called diamond merchants and we all live in Hymietown.)

Since our False Prophet In Chief has a teachable moment for us, I have a few for him, and in no way will I calibrate my words any differently.

Teachable Moment #1 : Your Presidency is failing. That's right Mr. Obama, you're failing. At last check, your approval rating is 48%. You won the election at 52% and are now at 48%. That means you're losing the support of the drones who were hoodwinked into voting for you. If you were the Prime Minister of Great Britain, you'd be subjected to a vote of no confidence.

Teachable Moment #2 : America is not a Muslim country. There are over 224 million Christians in the US.

Teachable Moment #3: It is generally unwise to brag that the Stimulus Package has created jobs when the reality is 1.8 million were lost since it was signed into law.

Teachable Moment #4: Americans resent watching their President go on a 24,000 dollar date night while they're told they must "tighten their belts." At that rate, you might as well have Michelle shout "Let them eat cake!" while she waves around her 5,000 dollar purse.

Teachable Moment #5: Presidents usually have all the facts before they attack private citizens.

And finally (I really have to get this off my chest.)....THERE ARE 50 STATES, NOT 57, YOU CLOD! I WOULD CERTAINLY THINK SOMEONE WHO GRADUATED FROM HARVARD WOULD KNOW THAT!

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