For many of us, 2009 will go down as the year "The Republic Began To Crumble", to Obama and his cronies it will go down as a year of "Missed Opportunity".

Barack, you could have been a contender.

Let's think back to the campaign for a moment (Don't worry, my wife has removed any instruments from my desk that I could use to injure myself.) and let's think of Candidate Obama before he morphed into Chairman Obama. The guy had it all--A winning smile, charisma that Third World dictators envied, youth, and rabid, brainless followers. By the time the election rolled around, George Washington would have lost to Obama by three points. Take off the partisan glasses for a second and you'll realize that I'm right. The guy even had Newt Gingrich wanting to give him a chance.

Then, all of a sudden, the bottom fell out.

I don't know where Chairman Obama lost his compass. Maybe it was smashing the Stimulus Bill through CONgress. Maybe it was all of those questions about how involved Rahm Emmanuel was in the attempted sale of  his old seat in the Imperial Senate. Maybe he got a head rush bowing to the king of Saudi Arabia, but somewhere, Obama lost it.

I may not agree with anything Chairman Obama has said or done, but I find myself extremely disappointed. In the bottom of my triglyceride-laden heart, I really hoped Obama would be different. Maybe he would refuse to sign a bill with earmarks. Maybe he would stand up to the greedy lobbyists. Maybe just maybe he would change my mind and I would at least believe I wouldn't live to see the destruction of our beloved Republic. Maybe, just maybe, this would be the guy to bring even a glimmer of respect back to Washington.

Didn't happen, did it ?

Obama said no earmarks, then he signs the Omnibus bill with 9000 of them. Obama said no lobbyists, and he attempts to get Tom Daschle, lobbyist extraordinaire, appointed as HHS secretary. He promised transparency in the Obamacareless debate, and yet we have Harry Reid and others of his questionable ilk cutting secret deals like the Louisiana Purchase and the Cornhusker Kickback. Obama brought change alright, we went from sleazy to Sodom and Gamorrah. I'd be hard pressed to call that change we could all believe in.

Don't worry Presidente, there's still hope. You are at crossroads--you can either be remembered as the President who saved the Republic or you can be remembered as the worst President we've ever had (not since Carter, mind you, the worst ever. We're talking about about you being the punchline of jokes for years to come on the soup kitchen lines after your mistakes destroy our economy.)

All you have to do, Presidente is warm up your teleprompter, get behind a podium and say the following :

"My fellow Americans, I know all of you have been following the health care debates, and I understand your concerns. That is why I am officially announcing my intention to veto this bill. Make no mistake about it, our health care system is in trouble, and make no mistake, this is not a victory for the insurance companies or the opponents of reform. [Hey, you gotta let the guy save some face, right ?] I, like the rest of you, was very disappointed  in the process that was undertaken in this legislative endeavor. I have sworn an oath to defend our Constitution and that is an oath I take very seriously, as should Congress. Somewhere, we have lost our way and we need to regenerate this process. [You have absolutely no idea how hard it is to write the way this guy talks. It's stretching my considerable talent to the limit.]

When I took office, I promised transparency and accountability and so far, they've been buzzwords. No longer. I urge Congress to start over and let's give the American people the change I was elected to deliver."

If Chairman Obama were to do that, all of his sins would be forgiven and washed away. The Tea Parties would stop. There would be actual confidence in the system again. The economy would come back to life, like St. Lazarus as would his anemic approval rating. It would be, dare I say it, a "Morning in America" moment.

Ball's in your court, Presidente, what are you going to do ?

It's that time of year again: time for New Year's Resolutions. I, your humble Right Wing Extremist blogger, have some resolutions to make, and I swear (not affirm) to God Almighty that I am going to see them through. No, we're not going to blab about losing weight, quitting smoking, or swearing, either. (You want that, go to Oprah or Dr. Phil.)

Resolution #1: I will not vote for anyone who has new ideas.

Now, I understand that plays right into the stereotype MSNBC and their lackeys have of Conservatives, but really, haven't we had enough of new ideas ? Every time a politician has a new idea, it ends up costing me more money and usually fails. Let's see: We had FDR and the New Deal that was a stinker, (along with Social Security), We had LBJ and his Great Society Blunder (great call on Medicaid, huh ?), The Peanut Farmer and his Department of Education (You know, the one that churns out high school graduates that are academically inferior to Slovakian graduates.), and Medicare Part D that George Bush pretended was a Conservative idea.

The point is : We don't need any more ideas from these people. If you remove Michele Bachmann, Marsha Blackburn, Ron Paul, and Tom Coburn from CONgress and added up everyone else's IQ, you'd get a shoe size. What we need are elected officials who actually understand what powers the Constitution gives them and what the Constitution forbids them from doing. Think of the federal government as board game and the Constitution is rules printed on the inside of the top of the box. The Founding Fathers were the game's designers and I'm fairly certain they would want the rules followed, that's why they took those feather pens and wrote like demons, right ?

Resolution #2: I will have my own section in Media Matters.

This one I need some help on, folks. I will consider 2010 a banner year if those leftist dorks at Media Matters give me my own section where they try to disprove my righteousness. I'm at my happiest when liberal crybabies are throwing up their lattes in angst, so help me become viral on the web, folks! (By all means, check out my website at www.absolutelynobama.com)

The point is: I want to prove to those liberal dolts that they're outnumbered and the ice is getting thin under their feet. (And it will have nothing to do with imaginary Global Warming, either.)

Resolution #3: I will ratchet up my criticism of Chairman Obama and his socialist agenda.

I have been too easy on the guy, right ?

Alright folks, 2010 is here! Let's give the commies a year they'll never, ever forget!

Some Conservatives, like Newt Gingrich, have applauded Chairman Obama's acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace Prize (You know, the prize given to Europe's favorite socialist). Apparently, none of them actually read the text or were bamboozled, when for a fleeting moment, Obama actually sounded like an American President overseas.

You may be able to fool Newt Gingrich (who's no longer on top of his game after the New York 23 debacle, it seems.) but you will never fool us here at Absolutely Nobama. Let's look at some of the more disturbing quotes from the text of the speech provided by the White House (at taxpayer's expense, of course.)

Like Mark Levin says: Cut 1! Go!

"The world may no longer shudder at the prospect of war between two nuclear powers, but proliferation may increase the risk of catastrophe."

Wrong, Presidente. I think you would benefit from sitting down with Condaleeza Rice or Hillary Clinton and allow them to explain to you that there is a very real possibility of nuclear war. If you'll recall, Kim Jong Mentally Ill, celebrated your coronation by firing off missiles like they were bottle rockets all over the Orient. Since we have troops in the region, it would also be profitable to remember there are nuclear weapons in Pakistan and India pointed at each other. I know that your naivete is charming to the Europeans and all, but haven't you forgotten Iran and their quest to build nuclear weapons ? (Assuming, of course, they haven't been already built.them.) Do you honestly believe Israel won't retaliate with nuclear weapons if Iran attacks first ? For shame, Presidente, for shame.

Cut 2! Go!

"All will have access to nuclear power..."

But not America, right, Presidente ?

Cut 3! Go!

"Most dangerously, we see it in the way religion is used to justify the murder of innocents by those who have distorted and defiled the great religion of Islam, and attacked my country from Afghanistan."

Why, that sounds like an act of war, doesn't it ? I don't have Chairman Obama's fancy shmancy law degrees, but that sure doesn't sound like a matter that should be heard in a civilian court, does it ? At the risk of being charged with a hate crime, I am forced to ask this question: Why is it always the "great religion of Islam" ? I have yet to hear the "great religion of Christianity" or the "great religion of Judaism". Dontcha just love it when he says the "great religion of Islam" and then mentions the "cruelties of the Crusades" ? It sends multicultural tingles up my leg.(Or is that diabetic neuropathy ? Maybe the Death Panel will let me find out, or maybe they won't.)

Cut 4! Go!

"That is why we must strengthen the UN and regional peace keeping...."

I can't believe Newt Gingrich and others missed that little snippet. Strengthen the UN peace keepers ? To do what, intimidate sovereign nations into going along with any drivel that comes out of Ban Ki Moon's mouth ? That sounds a little too New World Order to me. Call me crazy and off my meds, but how many innocent women and children have been raped by these UN mercenaries over the years? Thanks, but no thanks, I don't think we need those blue helmeted fascists for anything..

Cut 5! Go!

"That is why I prohibited torture. That is why I ordered the prison at Guantanamo Bay closed."

That's it! Let's give the enemy absolutely no reason to fear us at all! The job in Afghanistan is way too easy, right Presidente ? And Chris Matthews couldn't figure out why the cadets looked hostile at West Point! Do I really need to spell out how weak this makes Obama look to al Qaeda, Iran, North Korea, and everyone else who couldn't give a crap about the Geneva Convention, or pretty speeches, or cumbaya nonsense ?

At least we get our country back in three years.

After months of dithering and blithering, we finally have Chairman Obama's decision on Afghanistan.

Apparently, he has decided to use the old "Stoner On The Couch" strategy. Give a half-hearted, lazy attempt at doing something and when the attempt goes belly up, shrug your shoulders and say "I did my best, dude."

After sitting through a speech that was as interesting as watching Rachel Maddow after dropping some qualuudes, I realized something: Obama couldn't care less about winning in Afghanistan. Never once did he utter the words "victory" or "Let's give 'em hell, boys!" No, instead he threw the troops in Iraq under the bus yet again, whined about the cost, determined when he would get a yellow stripe down his back and pull the troops out of Afghanistan, and of course, attack the right.

I don't know about you, but I would have a real tough time being motivated by crap like this. You could see it on the faces of the West Point cadets who were ordered to clap enthusiastically. (The ones who managed to stay awake, of course.) You don't have to be a body language expert to realize that Chairman Obama was about as comfortable giving this speech as my cat at the vet's office. You could tell that the Failed Messiah and his nonsense were not welcome at West Point and you could also tell Obama was doing his best not to call the cadets future baby killers. The scene was about as comfortable as wearing shoes two sizes too small.

The speech started off as poorly as possible with Obama recalling the horrid events of 9/11. Even then, he couldn't bring himself to say the word terrorist. "As we know, these men belonged to al Qaeda- a group of extremists who have distorted and defiled Islam, one of the world's great religions, to justify the slaughter of innocents" Really, is there any need to get politically correct from the get go ? The Koran explicitly orders holy war on the non believers, and anyone with even one functioning brain cell knows that's the truth. I'm not saying that this should be the focus point of the war, nor do I believe that all Muslims are like the al-Qaeda creeps, but when the President of The United States is sending troops into battle, is there any reason to compliment anything about the enemy ? It's like FDR complimenting the Nazi party and saying Hitler and his goons hijacked the Nazi message of defending the middle class. We've already heard Obama's "we love Islam" rhetoric at the Cairo surrender speech, and most rational Americans realize all Muslims are not like al Qaeda. That little snippet certainly foreshadowed was coming--another excuse to bash America.

Chairman Obama, without missing a beat, reached into his anti-war past and again attacked the Iraq war as soon as he was done complimenting Islam. The only time there was any emotion in his voice is when he described the "substantial rifts between America and much of the world" Again, I have to ask: Why ? Why throw the troops in Iraq under the bus yet again ? During his critique of the Iraq war, does Chairman Obama call the troops in Iraq brave or give them a verbal pat on the back for a job well done while he and his liberal pals did their very best to undermine and slander them ? Of course not. Mother Earth forbid he should do that, or speak the obvious truth: The United States won the Iraq war. Instead, we got : "...we are bringing the Iraq war to responsible end." We are going to escalate an armed conflict with a Commander in Chief who wouldn't know a military victory if it bit him. It's kind of like hiring Joe Torre and asking him to turn around the Detroit Lions. (Or better yet, it's like hiring Barney Frank to be your financial advisor or hiring anyone from MSNBC to cover news stories without bias.) Clearly, Obama is an even worse wartime consigliere than Tom Hagen was in the Godfather part I. You can't fit a liberal peg in a Conservative hole. Obama is certainly no wartime (or peacetime, for that matter) President.

Thankfully, there was a bit of humor in the speech, and I was not forced to slash my wrists in despair. Obama actually had the nerve to complain about the 30 billion dollar price tag to wipe out al Qaeda and make sure Pakistan's nuclear weapons don't fall into the wrong hands. This from a man who has wasted 786 billion dollars on a "stimulus" plan that included 198 million dollars for Fillipino WWII veterans. This from a man who signed an Omnibus bill with 9000 earmarks. This from a man who wants to waste over two trillion dollars on a health care "reform" scheme that the majority of Americans have decided was worse than New Coke or Bud Dry. The horribly ironic thing about this is the fact that this is one of the few Constitutional proposals Obama has cooked up yet. (Presidente, I know you're a Constitutional lawyer and all, but defending our country is what you're supposed to do, unlike running banks and car companies. I'm fairly certain you learned that in Harvard.) I just couldn't help but laugh at the fact that 30 billion dollars was too much to pay for keeping nuclear weapons out of the hands of psychotic terrorists but the sky's the limit when it comes to growing government.

The laughter stopped the moment Obama uncorked the "Home in 18 months" strategy or The Stoner On The Couch Strategy. Not only is not tactically responsible to announce to the enemy what you're going to do, but it further reinforces the fact that our Commander in Chief doesn't have that "steel in his spine" that Joe Biden rambled incoherently about. Forget all of that "conditions on the ground" baloney.
Conditions on the ground will have nothing to do with any decision to withdraw. It will be more like the conditions in Rasmussen, Gallup, Zogby that will determine when the troops are coming home. The moment Cindy Sheehan shows up with all ten of MSNBC's hard core viewers at the White House gates, Obama will be pulling the plug faster on this faster than Ezekiel Emannuel on a dementia patient.

Lastly, there was Obama's attack on the right, Obama's second favorite target, next to George Bush. In a speech that should have got the military all ginned up and ready for battle, we got: "But I also know that we, as a country, cannot sustain our leadership nor navigate the momentous challenges of our time if we allow ourselves to be split asunder by the same rancor and cynicism and partisanship that has in recent times poisoned our national discourse." Well, this is probably the worst line ever spoken in a political speech since Bush's "Mission Accomplished" fiasco and as hypocritical as Tiger Woods giving marriage counseling. If Obama thinks he's going to all of a sudden be looked at as the new FDR, he's sadly mistaken. (Don't get me wrong, on social and political issues, I couldn't disagree with Roosevelt more if I tried. However, this nation owes its continued existence to Franklin Delano Roosevelt's superhuman leadership during World War II. Liberal tyrant or not, he was one of the greatest Presidents of all time.) If Obama thinks he's going to use these brave men and women as pawns to shove his socialist nonsense down our throats, he better think again. Just like the cadets bored to death at the West Point speech, all of us rancorous, cynical partisans are on to Chairman Obama's scam and we aren't giving in.

I will always support our troops no matter what the mission is. I will never, ever, diminish in any way anything they ever do in defending our country or our cherished freedoms. These young men and women deserve no less from every American whether liberal or Conservative.

The same does not go for their civilian leaders.

Just for kicks, I like to give liberals mini strokes. No, I don't take their Milk Blu Rays and break them in front of them. No, I don't burn Bill Maher in effigy. Hell, I don't even throw a football at them and expect them to catch it. All of those things may be a lot of fun on a Saturday night, but nothing, and I do mean nothing, sends them into a near ischemic stroke faster than poking holes in their flawed logic by asking them semi tough questions.

Feel free to use these brain twisters when you're accosted by these mopes. Believe me, they work like Raid for liberals!



--If the health care scheme you liberals are trying to hatch is about "choice and competition", why are you so gung ho about a single payer health plan ?

--You do realize Al Gore majored in journalism and not science, right ?

--Why were you liberals so mortified by the Patriot Act, and yet you clamor for net neutrality and the Fairness Doctrine ?

--You liberals cried and cried about privacy during the Roe v. Wade trial and yet think it's a-ok that the government will be putting our medical histories in computer files they would be able to access at any time. What's the deal ?

--You realize your messianic savior, Barack Obama, received $110,332 in contributions from AIG, right ? (Thanks Morris & McGann and their fabulous book, Catastrophe.)

--Won't it be priceless watching Obama accept his Nobel Peace Prize after sending 30,000+ troops to Afghanistan ?

--Who said this priceless quote about the Iraq war : "A hard, fast, arbitrary deadline for withdrawal offers our commanders in the field and our diplomats in the region insufficient flexibility to implement that strategy." ? Give up ? I'll give you a hint. He was a Senator from Illinois and his middle name is Hussein. (Thanks Glenn Beck and An Inconvenient Book!)

--Allegedly, Carrie Prejean and Barack Obama share the same view on marriage: Neither one supports gay marriage.

--You do realize by banning DDT, the wacko environmentalists have condemned millions of children to die from malaria, right ?

--Here's one you won't find on the Organizing for America website: Chairman Obama recieved over $100k in campaign contributions from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. (Thanks once again to Catastrophe.)

--Remember that fantasy claim about how Obama would not sign a bill with earmarks ? One of the first bills he signed, the Omnibus spending bill had over 9000 of them.

Be very careful not use all of these weapons at once on some hapless liberal. Overdose may cause cause the liberal permanent brain damage or you may hear incessant crying for hours.